The Bermuda triangle is a scary place where ships go in and they never come back out of that place but a family of pirates are on a ship about to leave to get the treasure in the Bermuda triangle but now they are they are using the treasure map but there are 4 traps and they need to get though the first trap getting through the UPSIDE DOWN TSUNAMI so they are going up and down or you can say that the ship is going up and down every time for many hours and hours and hours but the ting that happened that they were in a UPSIDE DOWN TSUNAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so right now they are about to reach the second trap but the thing is that they do not know what is going to happen to them in that special trap but i all most forgot to introduce the characters so there is husband called king Liam and his wife queen Goneril and a daughter and a cat named Regan and Cordelia so back to the story this trap is called the MYSTICAL CREATURES but these are not just any creatures these are the hungriest creatures of all kind but the thing is that they are smarter than humans so they have put so many traps for those creatures and there sword out and there eyes peeled out and they came on the ship and the creatures were being killed one by one and i do not want to say this that blood had been splated every corner of the ship so they had to clean the ship.
so as they are about to reach the third trap and the third trap is called THE KRAKAN the thing is that you people do not know what is a KRAKAN before in your whole life so i am going to tell you now how they survive from the monstrous creature that is going to attack them now in like 10 minutes but i stand corrected the creature is there now just waiting for the right time to attack the ship but for some reason they know the creature so again they have there swords out and there eyes peeled as well again and now the creature attacks the ship and the legs of the creature have been slice into many pieces as they can to kill the creature in the blue ocean.
so as they sweep up the pieces and through them in the ocean but again the last and final trap is to go in the Bermuda triangle and take the treasure back home so they work together but for some reason the curse on the cat and the cat started to talk like a human but did not struck the other ones on the ship so there ancestors had a mirror of light in this ship but that must of been stolen by somebody lets check if it is down there so did you find it yet yes but why do we can defeat the triangle but can I have some help please get out of the bottom of the ship before the triangle pushes us down to the bottom of the ocean but the thing is that they forgot the traps are as well in the Bermuda Triangle so I again regret this again there swords were slicing and the blood of the creatures splaying around the ship but the cat moved it in the middle and the cat saved the ocean and the the Bermuda Triangle was destroyed and vanished but also banned from the land and ocean
THE END……..or is it
To be continued…….
February 21, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Matthew, this is a really interesting short story. I really like your use of the Bermuda Triangle as a mysterious setting. However, there are some things that need some work.
Targets:
1) Your sentences are far too long. You need to think of a sentence as an idea. Every new idea should start a new sentence – put in some full stops!
2) You should start every new sentence with a capital letter.
3) Never end a story with ‘the end’. It is very rarely the end for the main character – their life continues!